I majored in theater in college. Before then, the only theater I had ever done was the good old Christmas plays in elementary school. I grew up playing sports like the rest of my family and cousins, no one in my family was in the arts so it was pretty random for me to peak interest in it.
As you can imagine, my professors were so unique and deep with life and it’s challenges. It was so refreshing to have teachers speak about life and death, which may sound morbid to you, but it was incredible to me. By trade, they were creators. Years of experience, discipline, and motivation. But the truest thing I loved most about my two professors, was the rawness. They quickly made me trust in them. I saw them so differently than other professors. Not in a bad way, I just felt so connected to them and so interested in their words and stories. I loved theater so much and to this day, I laugh about how I was able to major in it, because it didn’t seem real to enjoy learning that much. Especially as a historically unmotivated and disinterested student.
Long before I graduated, they both would talk about the importance of not losing yourself in the real world when you’re on your own. People who lose interests, hobbies, activities that make their heart beat, can become cold, angry, and function on auto pilot for the majority of their remaining days. Wake up, work, eat, tv, dinner, more tv, sleep. On repeat for the rest of their lives.
“Most men die at 25, but aren’t buried until they’re 75.” -Benjamin Franklin.
When I first heard that quote, it really blew my mind. What makes these people stop living? Then, I learned by experience. It doesn’t just sneak up on you one day like, gotcha! It’s far more secretive than that. It’s a silent killer, Benny didn’t mention that.
I am thirty years old. I FINALLY landed a great job with the best pay I’ve ever earned. Life is so good. So grateful. It’s an entirely new field, so there’s some growing pains, but I accomplished my goal. After a few months of being there, I realized I was digging my grave slowly. Nothing bad was happening at work, it was more so thoughts of, “is this it?”. Is this what my life is going to be like forever? Not that it was bad but I started to question a lot asking myself, what did God put me here for?
What I understood later is that life expands out far more than your work and pay. It’s like I expected eternal happiness because I got a great job. I fell into the trap of my work title and my paycheck defining me. But honestly, it was more so to impress other people that I finally a good job title. To make them think “Oh wow! That’s great!”
But, I wasn’t doing anything for the most important version of me, and that’s the me when I’m not at work. I wasn’t fueling my flame. No wonder I questioned “is this it?” because the only “it” I was referring to was my career. It was nothing about me outside my job. So, no that’s not “it”.
I came to blog. To rediscover my love for writing and I will tell you, these three days have truly made my heart happy and has done so much for me. Maybe this isn’t it either, maybe life isn’t about having it, it’s about doing it, doing something that truly makes your heart smile. Whether that’s, trying something new for the first time, dancing in the kitchen while making dinner, reading a book, swimming, singing even when your voice is not ideal for others ears, playing music, writing music, chatting with your friends, sitting with yourself ten minutes a day, cleaning your house, playing pool, making pottery, doing cool make up, putting together thrifted outfits, sewing, I could go on and on.
There are so many things we can do for our hearts and our identity outside of work. Make your heart happy and do something, anything.
Honey Hannah 