It’s been a while. I’ve been busy with work and the move as well as being chronically tired. I don’t know if I’m using that correctly or being dramatic. But the shoe fits. I’m a tired Nana. My naps usually last 2-3 hours and then I can go to bed perfectly fine. I got my blood tested and they said I was fine so. I guess I’m good. I convince myself it’s just winter time hibernation and I’ll have more energy in the summer. But I’m not sure if that’s even true because the sun also makes me woozy. Oh well. Can’t beat it, nap!!!
Long intro to say I’m back. I hope if you’re reading this, you’ve been well and happy. And if you haven’t been happy, that’s okay too. We would be crazy people to be happy all the time. I used to be someone who truly believed in what is now called “toxic positivity” when I first heard about it I was like oh shit, I do that. To myself and others. Try to think or talk about the good when even though there is good, sometimes things just suck. And that’s life! Things fricken suck sometimes. Don’t get this confused with staying there though. Do as you will but I do not allow myself to stay in that mindset.
So I’ve grown in this department. I used to shove everything down and say oh I’m good everything’s great I’ll be fine. But I was really just avoiding the good ol processing step. I found myself in a constant circle of “I’m fine” talk until I was like wait a minute silly goose. Maybe you’re not fine! Maybe you’re actually going through something. Imagine that! But now when I’m feeling this way, I actually look at my situation and acknowledge it. Then I give myself 2 hours max to bitch and feel sorry for myself and if it’s extra bad I take a nap.
But I do not stay there. I am serving no purpose by staying there. Acknowledgment is one thing, living in that space is another and it’s just torture to yourself. Of course this is all situational and I am no expert on anyone but myself.
I mentioned before I liked psychology, even though my grade was jusstttt enough to pass. But I went through many stages of how to process my emotions and I found stoicism to be helpful for me at the time. It gave me the “well fuck it” energy. “Stoicism is an ancient Greek and Roman philosophy that encourages a simple life by setting aside strong emotions and passions.” This started off good but became difficult for me because I have strong emotions. I cried watching How to Train Your Dragon … Toothless and Hiccups bond is so beautiful.
Stoicism is very interesting and can be beneficial to many people. There are a few things I enjoy and can take from stoicism.
But my life and my mindset really changed for the best once I rediscovered my relationship with Jesus Christ. I will get into my love and passion for Jesus another time because I have a lot to say about him. But for now, I will just say, he loves me, he calms me, hears me, gives me strength, speaks for me when I can’t, adores me, guides me, protects me, lifts me up, and so so so much more. I pray every night before I go to sleep and throughout the day when I need him. He is always there for me. He has always been.
Unfortunately the topic of religion can make people uncomfortable when I find religion to be a beautiful thing. A religion that lifts you up and motivates you to be better for yourself and treat others kindly with respect and love. Jesus has done that and more for me. He makes me want to be like him. One of my favorite parts about his story were his disciples. They were not perfect nor holy people what so ever. But he chose them. He chose people who had little to no faith to follow him .. and they did.
Love always, Hannah.
Honey Hannah 